(This text was written by the great Capusotto and sent me by mail (first string as the people) no waste (no image is because it is a bit Larguita but is very good). Thanks to Gabriela who sent it to me. Greetings)
tests that have been (Capusotto)
To you I speak, joss stick to begin studying for the part of tomorrow morning. To you that in order not to buy a highlighter stingy again You keep sucking that was fluorescent yellow marker and now is a transparent wet. To you I speak, boy distracted, which highlights not paying attention and end the whole book ends up being a large green (fluorescent, of course). To you I speak, with your super short micro mini or 5 leaves of the two sides, with a low point for machete type, arrows pierce whole leaves, studs and type abbreviations ec (economics), Cumulative (Cumulative), lit (literature), pa (para) and other unintelligible monosyllables that make you return to the original source, read 100 sheets of letter size 4 written typewriter so that modern professional only has 89 and Alzheimer's disease but who remembers that time when you shouted old asshole and pray every night for the final table will not touch it. Or to you, you gave it to live in not doing a damn cagándote class of laughter from all who copied and when you sat down to study you discover that your class notes are pure tatetis, stupid text messages (wave: what time is it? 9:15, what time is it now? 9:22) and drawings that would be worthy of sending to your psychiatrist and you have to urgently go to your classmate's house and spend close down 10 handles photocopies of his notes that obviously do not understand why the letter was being handed cruising with crippled boy of 2 years . And you, that although you have your summaries, highlighted and all your stuff in order to hang you half an hour thinking of him or her and would have happened if you told him you did and instead would you have said what that first thought you had to say that the end can not bring yourself to say, or you call up your relatives 20 years ago that you have (read more or less most of your life) and I hung up with the dog talking so as not to memorize the formulas for these matters that you love so much. > And I kept thinking: And to me whom I commanded to go to college? If I have over 18 and do what I sing? And if I get a carton? Or better, if I shot and I watch TV as if nothing in life mattered to me and I become an amoeba scattered by the chair of living that all he does is eat and sleep? NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Gonna get your dad, uncle, mother, brother, grandmother, greengrocer across the street or whatever they are paying for your education and you buy all the copies, books, ring, exams, pens, pencils, liquid paper (and also gave you, unknowingly the back) and also share ... Garp and you'll get the summary, Portuguese dictionary, the book and even the teacher in the ass and while it makes you stick with that famous highlighter that no longer works until you reach the brain and your brain by osmosis to absorb knowledge and believe me, when you feel the next day to take the test will hurt a lot, or will give you despair typical "estudiéééééééééé no" and stay awake until 3 am with all inorganic substance, read 10 bottles coca cola, 19 cafés, and 3 lines of cocaine, then go to bed and get up at 5 am to continue studying until the teacher entered the classroom, or directly going to start at the bank machetearte 6 chapters of the book, which was in class, group work and extra notes. ENOUGH little panic, INCOMPLETE MACHETES ENOUGH, ENOUGH OF PARENTS ANGRY AND FINAL IN DECEMBER. Crazy, half stack, we are in college to study ... or at least to make him study your partner next door so that you make every part (and if you do not want it to be at gunpoint) methods are best skinny. After complaining of professionals in our republic unable DETAIL scientifically proven ... STAGES OF PROGRESS:
DAY BEFORE THE EXAM
1 .- The Paradox of Time: Time passes, for one, 200 times faster than usual. Reza is a theorem that "the speed of clockwise is inversely proportional to the time that remains for the moment the test." Pencil falls to the ground and lift and spent 10 minutes. A snack with a smell of coffee and a croissant takes us 45 minutes? Quote icon "and at eight?" 2 .- Delegation of Responsibilities: It is summarized in a phrase or symptom that is repeated and repeated several times throughout the process: "Who the fuck sent me to my STUDYING THIS RACE THAT DOES NOT WORK FOR SHIT?" . NIGHT BEFORE THE EXAM. Note: From here, this phenomenon is as enjoyable as "the dream" becomes our worst enemy, torturing, betraying (especially at 3:00 AM, which is presented in full force), boycotting relentlessly with the passing of the hours the normal functioning of our bodies, motor clumsiness, slurred speech, disjointed thoughts, etc. . To which one turns to old and always used the old enemy weapons for coffee, ice water on his head, whipping, pills, etc.3 .- Examination of Conscience and Repentance: In the midst of a situation where an hour is worth the life, one begins to remember those nights that he spent wasting time, watching TV, wandering and drinking in a bar, or went to sleep without sleep. Self-hatred (begin the emotional and motivational debacle). Remember that coffee and croissants and / or toast now prevents him from reviewing the unit 3, and this time he went to buy aspirin and ended up in the house of a friend, who is the cause of his next reprieve.
4 .- Change in the Order of Values \u200b\u200band Basic Principles: All values \u200b\u200bthat you suckled from birth, is totally disrupted, "... my life for a bed," "... give it all for 5 more hours "" ... pay anything for the 6 or 4 "," ... I swear if I see that / a professor / a child of a bitch I hit a shot in the head ".5 Incursions .- Philosophical and Metaphysical: With the passing of the hours, you tend to get the most reflective our being, which often indicates severe mental status changes. It is manifested through the following and widely used phrases: "... one feels that he knows nothing and goes and gets it all: the man is unpredictable," ... for me, He Man was queer "." .. Why does life have to suffer so? "," ... what would you do if you win 1 million dollars? "," ... Wonder Woman was Superman's girlfriend? "." .. I would be reincarnated in a turtle ".6 .- Evading Reality:> You want to be at 10,000 km away, if possible at another time, and if possible, on another planet (Symptom 2, which manifest with greater intensity) 7 .- Abandonment: Our executioner, sleep becomes more ruthless and almost invincible at this point. Our appearance is pitiful, similar to that of Tom Hanks in Castaway after 2 years on the island, and sleep produces hallucinogenic effects of the most confusing. Suddenly, it seems to abandon us and forces us to ask and rethink whether or not this whole ordeal and suffering excruciating sense. It is manifested through the following sentences: "... what is not studied so far, I'm not going to learn in 2 hours. I go to sleep ","... this is not going to take, right?" "... damn you all to the bitch that bore them," ... who are these goblins walking on the ceiling? ". (Symptom 2, again). Error: Our Enemy, the dream should not win. We recommend the use of corporal punishment ara pass this etapa.8 .- Chaos:> At some point during the night, all the above symptoms occur simultaneously causing a shock in the brain of a student who threatens physical collapse, triggering a the first physical symptoms, generating sentences like this: "... I always wanted to study journalism," and if I throw "...¿ by, window and ended up with all this? "Let's go "...¿ South? "," ... I, I present a shit. "
HOURS BEFORE 9 .- Physical Symptoms: This stage is characterized by physical symptoms, aggravated by lack of food, hygiene, excessive caffeine, nicotine, tar, and stress. Common symptoms: cramps liver, dizziness, nausea, heartburn, diarrhea, flatulence, retching, belching, deep sighs, twitching, muscle spasms, tics, facial stiffness, stomach contractions, skin rashes, blurred vision, light yellow skin, temporary blindness, death .- súbita.10 Amnesia Principle (do not know anything): All of a sudden you want to do a brief review, and see titles, words, definitions (including written by our hands), you would swear that never in my life has seen. This in only 2 or 3 hours of review, generates up to a state of fear and panic uncontrollable (Again symptoms 2, 3 and 6)
INTO CONSIDERATION
11 .- The Edge of the Abyss: One only wants to end this torture, inhuman and cruel ordeal that it humiliates and demeans the absolute limits. Common phrases: "... make it fast", "... this shit is over the fuck up", "... The Lord is my shepherd, I shall want, spend, SUBJECT TO TOUCH ME EASIER! " REVIEW COMPLETED
Option A. Approved: Exhausted and relieved (after having cried and hugged who crosses his path), it will take a bitter drink beer that was left behind and the prompt restoration of psychosomatic functioning cuerpo.Salud.Opción B. Fail: Exhausted and relieved, it will take a bitter drink beer that was left behind and the early restoration of the psychosomatic functioning of the body. Health.
universal sense CONSIDERATION TO
A) Arrival (too early) to the testing.
B) Review and totally unsuccessful compulsive notes.
C) Phase pre-exam nervous joke.
D) Input frightened the classroom where the examination will carry
E) Delivery of the examination and flight from the crime scene.
F) Phase nervous joke post-test.
G) Phase exclamation profanity and sexual nature ("I broke my ass", "I picked wrong," "How I put it," etc.).
H) Comparison of results (check that no two people with the same answer or worse, that unless you all agree: typical)
I) Phase compulsory consultation of the notes (with the only result of worsening the mood of the consultant)
J) Phase statement: "I will not more .... (Name field). "
K) phase of denial, "Review, what test?")
L) post-traumatic depressive phase and plans to remove it: "I need to hit someone "," I need to get drunk "," I need sex "..... "only emotion keeps us alive"
0 comments:
Post a Comment